Art of Making Noncontroversial Cinema

Understanding TOI's Ad Campaign

What TOI's front page was on 4th September, 2012.

What TOI's front page actually meant

The CAT Boom-Bust Cycle

Django Unchained Unraveled

These movie critics get really excited whenever a new movie releases. It is a chance for their reviews to attain rave reviews. These critiques are also reviewed by other movie critiques and some bloggers who are desperate to strike a conversation with the movie critics on Twitter. However, this post is not one of those reviews about reviews about movie reviews. This article belongs to the burgeoning trend of dissecting trailers or "hey, look, I can fucking think like the director and I can direct better than him if I get a chance and I can make better trailers too" by aspiring movie critics, who are self-proclaimed 'reading into the director's mind' experts. 

Let us go into the minds of these people, who go into the minds of the directors, and dissect the latest trailer of Django Unchained directed by Quentin Tarantino. I am sure the movie had your curiosity, but now it will have your attention. Watch the trailer before you start reading the dissection.

1. The first scene of the trailer starts with some profound words, which might or might not have been left by Quentin Tarantino. However, similar messages have been shown at the beginning of his previous films such as <list Tarantino's movies>. It is odd that Tarantino sticks to this message despite the different genres of movies he directs. Oh wait, this message looks like it is from the Motion Picture Association of America, Inc. Never mind. Let us move on to the next screenshot.

The trailer opens with these strange lines in a green background surprising the audience

2. The back side of black person is shown up close. There are a lot of scars, which might depict some cryptic message. On a close second look, it seems to say "Sorry, you are fucking wasting your time here."

What are the scars saying?

3. Due to the poor lighting, we are unable to decipher what exactly is going on in the screen. Many apologies. Thanks and Regards.  


Too dark to make a clever intrepretation

4. If you are thinking Edwin Porter is the main antagonist of this movie and has a very important role to play in the movie, then you are as wrong as <insert terrible shame inducing metaphor>. This is an homage to Edwin Porter, an American film pioneer, who directed one of the earliest Western Movies called The Great Train Robbery. Or the Edwin Porter might be a close accomplice of Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio), who might be killed half way through the movie as a cost cutting measure. You never know it until you actually watch the movie.

Train Robbery? Isn't the movie about slaves?

5. Wonderful silhouette ain't it? Picture doesn't say much except that it shows the trailer is half complete and the other half of this terrific dissection is coming right at you.

6. We can confidently say that movie will release this Christmas. Although if you had watched the trailer closely, it seems like an answer to Django's (Jamie Foxx) question. Looks like the movie takes place in the month of December or maybe not.


Yes, Christmas is in 6 months and 18 days.

 7. Gentlemen, you had the curiosity about this dissection but we are sure you lost the attention.

DiCaprio surely has my attention

8. What's a Quentin Tarantino movie without some bloodshed? Worried whether the blood group is O+ or AB-? No one really cares.


Red blood on white flowers. Excellent contrast. Or some shit movie critics say

9.  From the trailer, we can safely assert that Leonoardo DeCaprio owned Jamie Foxx. Yes, this movie is racist and hence, 'owned' doesn't necessarily have to be the slang word,



Word of the day: Rambunctious



10. The trailer ends with an usual note of "For more exclusive and exciting promotions, go to our Facebook page." We have nothing more to add to that and we sincerely advise movie critics to patiently wait for the movie instead of coming up with their own versions of the movie.

                              

To conclude, Boromir has something to say.

 

 

Game of Indian Politics: A Comparative Study

George R.R Martin's Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire) and Indian Politics have too many striking similarities that we can't ignore. To start with, both have too many characters who are greedy, immoral, lustful, ostentatious and what not (add suitable adjectives of your liking).  Like the land of Westeros, India can be divided into the 7 major areas: Chennai, Bengaluru, Mumbai and Pune, Rajasthan, Delhi, Kolkata and Punjab. Oh wait. These are the IPL teams and I conveniently forgot Deccan Chargers. Never mind. Although there is one major difference between the two. The Wall in Westeros is present in The North while The Wall (Yes, Rahul Dravid) in India is present in the south.

The similarities don't end with the overall picture given above. Each character in the Game of Thrones bares an uncanny resemblance to someone in Indian Politics. Let us see few of those striking similarities now.

That is all I could think of, but I am sure there are more. If you can think of any other similarities, kindly spread the gyan.

A New Post

Yes yes, I know you haven't been waiting for my blog post nor wondered why I haven't blogged for a long time but it is my humble duty to remind you that my blog exists and so do I. I have never been a regular blogger (nor will I ever be) but, like all sane bloggers, I would love to be regular and a little entertaining once in a while.

Before you mistakenly presume that this blog post is going to be a little entertaining, I would like you to look at the title of this post. Since I couldn't think of anything clever or funny, I have stuck to the tab's name in which I am writing this post: New Post. Oh, I did add an article. As you can see, I have reached a creative nadir. Although the last time I gave a title for a blog post, the blog went viral and garnered more attention than Sunny Leone's antics in Big Boss 5. The title contributed very little to the virality of the post as the content, by itself, was hilarious! Yes, it was this post by this Lady and this KD. Now, don't ask me for the lady's identity or her intro.

So, why I haven't I blogged in a long time? I have succumbed to the tedious corporate life consisting of coffee breaks, meetings and more coffee breaks and in between those I have to find time to bombard my twitter profile with boring tweets and pry on profiles of homosapiens bearing XX chromosomes. Gone are those first few days at work, when I wrote Kalanidhi Vs Kalmadi as a note on Facebook. It was only later that year I started this blog, chiefly as a quiz blog to just flaunt that "hey, even I am a quizzer!" The series of questions were called Today's Kelvi aka TK and I wrote a note about TK to garner attention. What I also did was build a mascot, or rather a banner, for TK.

Sir TR challenja asking you to answer TK

But then, I lost interest in TK as there were few quiz groups on Facebook which were certainly more entertaining than TK. Moreover, the phrase "Answer in the blog" was severely scrutinized by high funda quizzers.

From the Drafts

In between TKs, I wrote few posts which evoked sadness more than a wry smile but that didn't stop me from tormenting people with more posts. However, there are two things that I have always wanted to do in my blog:

1. Write a short story or a serious article:
For Commonwealth's Short Story competition, I decided to make an attempt on writing a short story. After many days of writing and rewriting, I completed the story only to realise that Ra.One had a better story line.

I also tried writing something serious akin to Rorschach's Journal and I stopped after the first few words. You will know why I stopped when you read it.

"The Tale of Turtle, the Tortoise 

Turtle's Journal,

April 13th, 2011 A.D

The night is dark and the dogs bark"

Maybe I will write one this year. Maybe I won't. But I shall make an effort by asking expert tips from Cheese Charmer and Vijay Chidambaram since I can't wake O.Henry from his grave.

2. Learn Photoshop
All the images that I have exhibited in my previous blog posts were done using MS Paint. To shield my inability to produce quality photoshopped images, I claimed they were a new form of art called as PDC aka Poorly Drawn Comics. So yeah, I have been wanting to master photoshop and give this blog a non-amateurish touch. Krish Ashok's plog is one of my greatest inspirations in this area.

I tried parodying paintings using troll faces and thought of naming the post as Troll Art [not be confused with the art of trolling]. One of my friends, Deepak Vishnu, yielded to my constant nagging and made this awesome troll art of Edvard Munch's The Scream.

Troll Art: The Scream Lithograph

Although the following is what I had done before giving it to an expert. If Edvard Munch was living in the 21st century, I am certain that the face in The Scream would have been a rage face. 

Troll Art: The Scream

After that I made a marginally serious effort in parodying  René Magritte's The Son of Man. I wouldn't call it brilliant but that is how much I could do before MS Paint started testing my patience. 

Troll Art: The Son of Man

I haven't been all that creatively challenged for a month. I did a couple of drab comics which you might want to see.

An astronomical increase in Indian citizens, who played pen fight and dikilona in India, watching the SuperBowl after going to the USA made me do this.

The SuperBowl

I also did an ad for Faking News to infuriate both The Hindu and The Times of India during the war of ads. But sadly, the two serious newspapers fought among themselves slyly avoiding a threesome.

A very profound ad

So, I might learn photoshop. Or I might rather continue with my PDCs and glorify mediocrity. One thing I will not do is leave my posts to rot in the drafts. Good or not, I will complete them for mere self satisfaction and not bother about the number of shares or likes or retweets. Ironically, it is the numbers that give you immense self satisfaction. I would like to abruptly conclude this post by saying that this blog has jumped the shark.

How To Drive a 2-Wheeler Without Falling

It was a bright Sunday morning in the month of August 1994, when I first laid my hands on a two wheeler. It was a gaudy bicycle in vogue and I was all excited to start riding it. I convinced myself that riding a bicycle would be a cake walk considering the fact that I was an expert when it came to tricycles. Yes, I haven't fallen from a 3-wheeler till date (includes auto). But to my unpleasant surprise, I had to be lifted out of a drainage after ten minutes of uneventful bicycling.


Insert irrelevant BGM.


Seventeen years after the scene in the prologue, I can proudly say that I am a man of multiple accidents that have taken place at various speeds ranging from 0 km/hr to 69 km/hr across two continents. Do I need any more qualifications to preach what I have practised my entire life? Unlike my other boring blog posts, this post will contain something useful and I am sure you can avoid an accident or two by following the tips given below.


Here are few of my major accidents, maybe 7..no definitely 6..umm..frankly lost count, in chronological order. Before that, here is a geographical representation of my accidents.

Accident #1
One month after I got my Bajaj Pulsar 150cc, I had my first major fall. I was having a bread omelette after a really long time at Hi-Look (See Map) when something strange happened. The protein molecule in the omelette failed to react in a cordial manner with the bile juice secreted by my liver, thus causing a disquieting and restless situation accompanied by poorly orchestrated sound effects inside my stomach. Quite naturally I left in a hurry and I drove home as fast as I could to avoid a literal scatological joke. But unfortunately, I flew off my bike after 200 meters and I rolled another 50 meters before my body came to complete rest. I got up immediately, like nothing had happened, and tried lifting the bike like a macho-man and got burnt by the silencer .By that time, I was surrounded by well-wishers, annoying free advice givers and couple of my friends whom I had called before I tried lifting the bike. The rest of the story involves the magical transformation of the mental and stomach discomfort into physical pain and hearing problem thanks to the countless counselling sessions on bike driving. Anyway, we won’t be digressing into the injury details and the damages to the bike in this lecture. So, coming to the important part, what did we learn from here?

Tip No.1: Never eat a bread omelette before driving.

Tip No.2: Urgent matters are best resolved before driving. In other words, take a dump before you jump (onto the bike).

Accident #2

A fortnight after my first accident, there was a marriage reception in a pompous marriage hall in Mount Road. Free food is not something I am programmed to resist. So, I went, I gorged and I groggily started driving back home. I was listening to 'Endrendrum Punagai' song and I was inclined to poorly impersonate Madhavan because of the song. In a twist of fate, someone listening to the same song in a Maruti 800 in full volume clipped my bike and drove off.

Tip No.3: Imitating Maddy in ‘Endrendrum Punagai’ is best done with a cooling glass and preferably in daylight.

Accident #3 & #4

It took me a while to start driving again and these two accidents are not something I am not proud of. One accident occurred at 5km/hr and other one occurred at a slower speed, almost at rest. And to my horror and everyone else’s humour, both took place inside my college campus. I was the laughing stock until a classmate of mine did a daring stunt with a TVS 50 inside the college and seized the coveted honour.

Tip No.4: It is better to fall at higher speeds and endure physical agony than fall at lower speeds and tolerate humiliation. The physical agony heals faster.

Accident #5

Being on time has never been my forte. And the inevitable happened when I decided to be on time for a Gas Dynamics and Jet Propulsion lecture on a Friday morning. A girl, who was seriously bad at crossing roads, happened to cross the road after getting down at Anna University bus stand. I have no idea how she missed a black pulsar coming right at her and I have no idea why I didn’t hit the brakes like in the CEAT tyre ads. I dashed her and we fell down and, for a moment, I hoped that this would be a fairy tale beginning to a wonderful love life. But when I saw her chudidhar torn at questionable places, I had to shed the Tamil hero image and assume the role of a modern day Dushasana. I was terribly injured and thankfully one of my friends came out of nowhere and said, "Macha, yaaro kizha vizhundhadha paathen, nee dhan irupen nu anticipate panni vandhen da."  I missed the class and the entire week after that.
Tip No.5: To stop the bike, put the brake. 
Tip No.6: Make sure you tell the world about your accidents. Don't feel embarrassed. There will be a savior watching out for you.


Accident #6
This is the final accident and quite a serious one. Quite aptly, it took place in Kannammapetai, the significance of which Chennai folks might know. I was supposed to go to my project leader's house to type the project thesis as the bright minds of my project group felt I had to contribute something for our not so epic project. I wore a brand new Jockey tracksuit, for which I had got a Jockey underwear free. Somewhere in Kannammapettai road, a water lorry had started and moved 200 meters on that road in 15 minutes. Meanwhile, I drove from Adyar and was right on time to be behind the lorry and made sure the lorry driver frustrated me. I guess the lorry driver was a fan of Gandalf as his mind voiced echoed, "You shall not pass." I tried overtaking him from the left as a dutiful Indian citizen but skidded and strayed under the back wheels of the lorry. Fortunately, the lorry was going too slow to ascend a huge speed-breaker, which was me. My costume was disintegrated and I realized my brand new Jockey outfit was not designed to withstand such high shear stress. And I couldn't fail to notice the irony when my clothes were torn after what had happened to the girl in the previous accident. I recovered in a month and thanks to the sympathy vote, I got 'A Grade' in microprocessor lab exam without even attending it. And I never typed the thesis and thus my effective contribution towards the project was -1% as I had to disturb my project mates to give me a ride home.
Tip No.7: Never mess with a water lorry.
Tip No.8: Never mess with any lorry.
Tip No.9: Do not contribute to anything against your will.  It affects you mentally while driving.


I hope it was a very informative post and I would like to conclude this post with a cult quote from a wise man, who taught me the art of driving a bike:
"Every great bike accident consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge". The bike driver shows you his bike. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if the brakes are working. But of course... it probably isn't. He pledges that he is a careful driver. The second act is called "The Turn". The biker takes the ordinary bike and makes it do something extraordinary like falling while taking a turn, thus getting hurt badly. Now you're looking for the wound... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking or he is tactfully hiding it. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because falling down isn't enough; you have to get back on the bike and drive again. That's why every bike accident has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige"." 

Unconventional Methods of Bursting Conventional Crackers

          "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

This cult dialogue is apparently inspired from the festival that holds epochal significance for oil baths more than crackers nowadays. The excitement that surrounds Diwali is exponentially decreasing and has hit a rock bottom this time because of a small time film called Ra.One. Apart from that, Diwali evokes some sense of global concern to issues such as pollution and child labor, for which people do not give a rat's ass otherwise. People have just gotten lazy to burst crackers. This might be due to the fact that they are bored of the conventional crackers and the same old way the crackers burst. That brings us to the importance of the unconventional title of  yet another conventional post. In this post, we shall be discussing the different ways of bursting various crackers, with the help of an unconventional tool called PDC. Don't get flabbergasted now. PDC is an acronym for Poorly Drawn Comics.

Indian crackers can be broadly classified as follows:

Over the years, we would have burst all kind of crackers and eventually lost the enthusiasm to burst them again. Here are few ways to revive the forgotten art of bursting crackers. 

1. Flower Pots

Every Diwali morning, people start their bursting sessions with a Bhusvanam or a flower pot to please their grandmothers as flower pots, for no apparent reason, signify prosperity. This may or may not be true but what is certainly true is that these flower pots are endangered species. People have lost interest in crackers that do not emit sound less than 10 dB. We strongly hope that the following unconventional ways might inspire you to lay your hands on a flower pot again. 

2. Rockets

It is not exciting when you know that your rockets won't cross even half the distance of Dr. Vijay's long jump in Vettaikaran. Rockets can be fun if used in a game called "Counter Ra.One". The objective of the game is to hit the omnipresent Ra.One bill boards or posters and points will be awarded accordingly. Here is a PDC illustrating the physics involved in such a game. 

3. The Bonfire Disposition
This method is for the people who want to burn their crackers as quickly as possible, so that they can go back home and watch the new movie aired in Sun TV. As the name indicates, make a bonfire using the cracker dabbas and throw each and every cracker one by one. Might be fun as long as you don't throw a rocket, which might follow the "Actual Trajectory#2" and disappoint your girl friend or wife.

4. Otha Vedis
'Otha', in this context, refers to the single sound made by a cracker and not the expletive often heard at the roadsides or at colleges or at work places or anywhere in and around Tamil Nadu. These vedis often have a Hindu deity's name and their etymologies can seldom be traced. These are extremely boring vedis even for the most avid lover of crackers. At best, these can be burst on your hands, in case you want to impress the girl next door, or thrown at people or thrown into the bonfire as mentioned above. You can also poorly enact this scene from Dark Knight (see picture below) using 'Otha Vedis', but I advise you not to trust the ignition time of our crackers. Sometimes they burst instantaneously and most of the times, they take eternity.

There are many other crackers and many other innovative methods to burst them, but none of them will give you immense satisfaction relief as watching Ra.One. The only way to be relieved from the curse of Ra.One advertisements is by watching the movie as soon as possible. For all you know, SRK might take help from Nolan and promote Ra.One in our dreams. Hurry to the theaters now! Happy Ra.One Diwali Folks! 

How You Must Celebrate Madras Day!

Did you know that Francis Day is the reason why Madras Day is celebrated? So when is Francis Day celebrated? Do not Google. Read this to know the answer. In case you know the answer, read this anyway.


For most of us, Madras Day is about celebrating the rich history of the city by cleaning and white-washing the heritage sites for the occasion, eating traditional Madras meals and speaking Tamil in the coveted Madras slang. I am not sure about the last part though. For a few geeks, it is about indulging themselves in crazy trivia about Madras and boasting about the same. For others, it’s about watching a Tamil movie and saying Tamil movies are the best. Chennai (Madras),the capital of Tamil Nadu, is also the capital for Tamil movies aka Kollywood. So, for this Madras Day I shall try my best to convince people how Tamil Cinema is on par with Hollywood, if not better.


The youth of today always come out exasperated after watching a Tamil Cinema. They compare Tamil Cinema with Hollywood and complain it isn’t up to the mark. First of all, we must understand the fact that the directors here are not given the freedom that is given to the Hollywood directors. Let me elucidate. Ever seen a Quentin Tarantino movie without the word “fuck” used in it? If I ask Tarantino to make a movie without “fuck”, he would probably quit making films and work in a Tea Kadai. Yes my friends, this one word is what gives Tarantino movies the cult status.. How much better would Tamil Cinema be if the word “Otha” was used as much as “fuck” is used? It would certainly be phenomenal. But sadly to our dismay, the cult word is replaced by annoying beeps. 


We also take pride in ridiculing our Tamil movies or songs by claiming that they have been copied from a foreign source. The basic assumption we are making here is that we believe Hollywood movies are original. But the underlying truth is that they are far from original. Be it Nolan's Batman trilogy or Jackson's LOTR trilogy, we could say the movies were copied from an awesome comic and a splendid book respectively. But instead, we use euphemisms such as ' the comic served as an inspiration for the Nolan brothers' or 'the movie was well adapted from the novel'. If a movie has a scene similar to a scene in another movie, we label it as 'Pop-culture reference' ,or worse, we call it as a tribute to some Tom, Dick and Harry. But when it comes to Tamil Cinema, we mercilessly slaughter our own people for being a third rated thief. Music directors are at the receiving end of most of this barrage of abuse. The latest in the accusation list is Mankatha's title song, which has an uncanny resemblance to Shakthi Masala's ad jingle. It is plain ridiculous. However, we shamelessly praise Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor for their Oscar for Best Original Score even though they copied (remixed is the euphemism here) Edvard Greig's 150 year old song. Edvard Greig must be a proud man, while I am a disappointed man pitying the mentality of our folks.


Another popular topic of discussion for the nitpickers is about the exaggerated action sequences in our Tamil Movies. We are such hypocrites. We exalt Indiana Jones to epic levels but put down our own Captain by complaining that he is trash. Both perform the same gravity defying stunts and emerge unscathed despite the odds stacked against them. We watch a light-saber fight between a father and a son with so much involvement but ridicule a sword fight between our own Rajnikanth and Kamal Hassan in Allaudhinum Arpudha Vilakkum. We fall for the light-saber fight just because the swords have some fancy lights and one of the persons fighting dons a cool black costume and has a strange voice. We are major victims of such pretentious things. 


Ladies and Gentlemen, it is high time we appreciate the beauty of Tamil Cinema. If we can't back our own cinema, then who will? We should take inspiration from legends like Arindam Chaudhuri and promote our cinema as the best in the world. Tamil Cinema is true cinema. It caters to the needs of all people. It is made for the greater good. It is God’s own cinema. So this Madras day, wherever you are, I want you to watch a Tamil movie and then go, open your window, stick your head out and yell “"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Huh? Sounds inappropriate, right? Well, just shout something. Something appropriate. About Tamil Cinema. And do us all proud.


If you are still reading this gibberish hoping to find the answer for the question at the beginning, then here it is. Francis Day was the person who purchased Madras from a local chief called Damarla Venkatappa Nayak. You will never forget this funda right? After all, I put you through so much pain to learn this. Your inquisitiveness is appreciated.
Happy Madras Day!

Transfer Update: Manchester City's Summer Extravaganza

Since the start of the Transfer Window, Manchester City have not hit the headlines as much as they would have liked. While Liverpool and Manchester United have already grabbed the limelight with their star signings, City have hardly managed to find the back pages. Even Mario Balotelli's antics haven't helped City's cause. 
This lack of activity during the "transfer silly season" has infuriated the owner of Manchester City, Mr.Sheikh Mansour. He has given Roberto Mancini a modest €600m to spend on players, who are "special" and have unparalleled footballing abilities. Rumors are afloat that Mancini isn't happy with meager sum as he has scouted for players with phenomenal ability but astronomical prices. This article will attempt to guide you through the minefield of gossip to give you the inside track of what might happen at City in the next two months.

This is the first big name to be associated with Manchester City this summer. Since young British talents are the flavor of the current market, Mancini has had his eye on the young British striker for a couple of months. "Peter Pan is a wonder kid. In fact, he will be a wonder kid even after 20 years," Mancini said, with extra emphasis on the word 'kid'. Mancini is certain to sign the kid and is believed to use him as a second striker to utilize his uncanny ability to score goals with his long nose. Mancini has proved his footballing acumen by securing the services of a "forever"young talent, while his counterparts,Kenny Dalglish and Sir Alex, have spent money on young British players, who will eventually grow old. 

Not content with the plethora of strikers in the club, Manchester City is shockingly linked with Trojan Horse FC striker, Achilles. Since City's style of play includes a couple of unnecessary back heels, Achilles wouldn't be quite suited to the system due to a major injury sustained while swimming in the River Styx. However, Mancini believes that Achilles has the ability to destroy any defenses in the world."I am not signing the old and saggy Brad Pitt. I am signing Achilles, the legendary striker," Mancini fumed, on hearing negative comments about the player. Mancini has stiff competition from various Greek clubs for the player and will probably offer more than €100m to secure the services of Trojan Horse FC's talisman.

Don Vito Corleone has been ironically linked with Manchester City right from when Kolo Toure was banned for using questionable drugs. The speculations have continued this summer and it is conceived that Mancini has a made an offer Vito Corleone can't refuse. However, Don Corleone is mighty unimpressed with Mancini's approach. "I only make offers people can't refuse. No one makes offers I can't refuse," Vito Corleone bellowed in a recent press meet. The deal will not materialize, mostly. 

A number of clubs have shown interest in this versatile player, who is a plumber by profession, midfielder by choice and a defender by compulsion. Due to his plumbing background, it is a general notion that he doesn't leak goals at the back. Hence, it comes as no big surprise that Inter Milan is after him. However, Man City is the favorite to land Super Mario. Mancini is keen on giving Mario Balotelli an egoistical snub by signing his namesake, Super Mario. Mancini expects Mario Balotelli's performance to enhance by this tactical move. Although, it is quite unclear what Mancini has in his mind.

On Saturday evening, it was reported by a reputable website that Man City is set to complete a fantabulous signing of an uncapped, unknown, unprecedented player of the highest quality. If the sources are to be trusted, the player has been virtually made using FIFA-11's "Create your own player" option. He has all the parameters such as agility, ball control, finishing set to a value of 99 on a scale of 100. This news has taken everyone by surprise and Sir Alex has already raised his vociferous opposition to the FA. Mancini,however, was hardly nonplussed with the situation and suggested that his name will down in history as the pioneer of  "Virtual Player Capturing." Everyone is anxiously waiting for FA's & FIFA's reaction towards this saga.


If you have heard about any Transfer rumors related to Manchester City, kindly let us know by commenting below.
  

Twitter vs Facebook

We live in a world of 'tweets' and 'statuses'. Urinating on the 'wall' and polluting it need not necessarily mean the compound walls of your neighbors' house. Shakespeare in Love would be mercilessly corrupted to Shakespeare in 'Like' for promotional purposes. We are all slaves of Mark Zuckerberg and humble servants of Jack Dorsey . Pathetic attempt at a bombastic intro - Check.
 Not a day goes without us spending time on these social networking sites. This post is certainly not an epic rant about the impact of social networking sites on today's youth. I am certainly over my tenth standard SST paper. In this post, I shall merely elucidate why Twitter is better than Facebook.

1. Limited snubs
Thanks to the concept of "Followers and Followings", Twitter scores a notch above Facebook, which has the concept of "Friends". A girl who snubs your friend request on FB wouldn't mind you stalking her on Twitter because having a lot of followers is prestigious. Hence, above average stalkers like us are saved from the embarrassment of soul-crushing snubs. Although there are guys who try hard to strike a conversation in Twitter but eventually end up getting blocked by the girl. So for a sane person, Twitter is no bane.

2. Celebrities Complex
Though not as serious as the Oedipus or Electra complex, Celebrities complex has its own demerits. For all those people who feel jealous of actors and actresses, Twitter is a place where you need to be to get that jealousy out of you. When you follow their tweets, it will be quite evident that they are no different from you - wanting more followers, wanting more attention , wanting more attention for their dogs or worse, cats. They will get abused by thousands daily and yet pretend nothing happened. Twitter allows us to feel we are no different from the celebrities. Sadly, Facebook doesn't allow us this luxury unless you are a celebrities' friend.

3. Twitter teaches terseness
If you can't sell a Justin Beiber Music CD with 140 characters, you can't possibly sell it with 14000 characters. Twitter finds your lack of brevity disturbing.It teaches the value of each character and makes us avoid unnecessary fillers like "hmmm, ummm,eeeee,oooohh,loooool." Though, I wouldn't advise an Anna University student to tweet regularly, as his semester exams solely depend on the 14000+ characters of crap he writes.

4. Spams are very few
The number of spams in Facebook is tantamount to the number of stars in the Galaxy. Everyone is curious to know how Osama was killed or curious to know which friend stalks you. And due to these spams, you will have a group of people putting status messages showing off that they were ingenious enough not to click on those spams and hence, inadvertently,spamming about spams. And there will be a person who expresses his/her grudge towards people who spam about spam. And this spam about spamming about spam will put the Monty Python's Spam sketch to shame. However, there are no spamming issues in Twitter unless you follow @rioferdy5.

5. Hash-tag your way to glory
Twitter is the only place that tolerates your haphazard use of hash-tags. And more than that, your tweets appear in searches related to that hash-tagged item too! You can be famous in a short while if you hash-tag the right words. Here is an example:
Wrong usage: #Tonight I can haz Sex on the Beach.
Correct usage: Tonight I can haz #Sex on the Beach.

As you can see, Twitter is clearly a better place to be and it has many more advantages, which an amateur tweeter might not be aware of. And Twitter is not all that complicated as people make it seem like with words like RT,DM,TL,OB,ZJ,XD and etc. Twitter is an Utopian place filled with wannabes, snobs, shameless self-promoters, anonymous flirts and,most importantly, stalkers like you and me.

PS: As a voracious stalker, it is my duty to let you know that my twitter handle is @lowfundaboy and I would follow you for free.

Google Doodle: Happy Birthday Karunanidhi!

Here is a Google Doodle that Dennis Hwang should have made. His lack of respect towards our eternal leader appalls me. This doodle reflects Mr. Karunanidhi's pensive mood in this dire circumstances and hence won't contain his trademark lustrous yellow towel. Once again, Happy Birthday, Sir! May you live 100 years and be part of the 3G scam.

Yes, Google home page should be in Tamil as a mark of respect..

Inspired from an article in Faking News.

Tihar Break

Pilot Episode
The following content is best after listening to the theme song, which you can listen here.

O(b/s)ama Video Games: The Dawn of the New Era in Gaming

Disclaimer: This is not another Osama Bin Laden spam content. So, you can safely read the following content at your own discretion. 


Howdy,
We, at Challenj Entertainments, challengingly  present O(b/s)ama video games for all homo-sapiens, who can touch their left ear with their right hand sans any struggle. Our game designers have come out with original, innovative, well sketched ideas for the O(b/s)ama video games and we require you to vote for your favorite game. The game with maximum number of votes will be available in Richie Street as early as possible. We also request you to suggest additional features for the games so that we will know there are people who have a dumber sense of imagination than our game designers. Without any further poor attempt at jokes, here are the challenging games. 


1. Oba-Man
Oba-Man is a simple arcade game, in which the player controls Oba-Man through a maze, eating cereal dots and collecting mails to track his arch enemy Osa-Man. Of course there are few apprentices of Osa-Man, who will thwart our protagonist's progress.Do you think you can outfox them and track the mails? Yes, I hope you can.  Here is how a simple level will look like. 

Due to technical errors never encountered before, it is virtually impossible to complete Oba-Man. If a player manages to collect all the mails properly and waits eagerly with his mouth wide open to face Osa-Man in the next level, he will unfortunately face Mr. Donald Trump. Our game designers are perplexed and have absolutely no clue on how to solve this error. If many people vote for this game, we shall employ our best minds to rectify the error.

Split-Screen level

2. Battle City: Mission Abbottabad

Battle City is 1 player/ 2 player game designed especially for the kids as there is no questionable content in the game. In fact, there is no content at all. The player, controlling a tank , must protect Mr. Osama residing in the brick house from various enemies. Enemies include a fully armed Jack Bauer with infinite bullets, a glib talker in Obama and a man who must not be named by mere mortals with his aruval. A rough layout of the game is shown here. It may seem to be pretty ordinary but the gaming experience is unbeatable and to face enemies of such epic proportions is very rare these days. We are  positively hoping this game will garner maximum votes as there are no complexities involved in its making. 

3. Contra-Ception

Contra-Ception is an action/adventure game, in which two US Marine Corps,under direct orders from President Obama, hunt for the father of countless children, Osama, . Only this time, it is not to capture and kill the man but to stop him from copulating. Quite aptly titled Contra-Ception huh? There are 5 levels in the game and the names reflect what Osama is doing at that moment.

•  Level 1: Jungle- Subtle reference to Osama's beard as he scratches it before making love. And yes, it is his beard. Nothing else.
• Level 2: Base-1 - First Base. You need any explanation?
• Level 3: Waterfall - Refers to Osama's nonchalant fashion of excreting liquid waste from his body. Poor joke. Sadly, that is what our game designers are capable of.
• Level 4: Base - 2 - Second Base. Actually if you really want some details, read this
• Level 5: Osama's Lair - The metaphor is quite obvious.

Here is a screen shot of the final level where the soldier has to tackle Osama's balls of fury.                                                  

Shoot at the right ball and you shall prevail

4. Bomber-dude
This game is set in the trophy cabinet room of Arsenal,where Osama Bin Laden is taking refuge. Little does he know that there are not enough trophies in the room to even hide the mole on his butt. The task of bomber-dude is to drive out Osama from his hiding by bombing the trophy cabinet room. But, here is the catch. If one of the bomb explodes in the vicinity of a trophy, Bomber-dude will be castrated by a specially appointed jury by Arsene Wenger. Arsenal fans cannot afford to lose the few trophies they possess. This game is the toughest of the lot.

The cups in this room are holier than The Holy Grail. 

5. Stage-Fighters 2

What is a compilation of video games without the age old one on one combats? Stage Fighters-2 is one of those games you would want to play the whole night without texting girl friends or watching porn or both. The game features a roster of eight playable characters that could be selected by the player.  In the single-player tournament, the player faces off against the other four main characters, before proceeding to the final opponent, which is a non-selectable CPU-controlled boss opponent, known as the "Captain".

Playable Characters

• Justin, a baby faced assassin from USA with powers ranging from the sub-sonic range to ultra-sonic range.
• Rebecca, a female martial artist from USA, seeking to avenge people who yearn for weekends.
• Sreesanth, a peace loving Yoga master from India.
• Osama, a peekaboo champion from Saudi Arabia with powers of apparating and disapparating at will.
• Obama, an intelligent rogue on a quest to discover his place of origin.

Computer Boss

• Captain, a police officer with the knowledge of all martial arts but prefers to employ the drunken monkey style.

On a Friday, Rebecca is unbeatable. Even Justin will bite the dust

There are other games in the pipeline such as Super Osama Bros, The Legend of Obama, Immortal Kombat which we will present to you in another disastrously boring mail. For now, do not forget to vote for your favorite game. Your expert opinions and suggestions are welcome but do not hope to take the credit away from our game designers. Thank you.

                                                                                           

Yours challengingly,                             

CEO/VP/HR/Peon of Challenj Entertainments