Sunday, October 24, 2010

Mission Buffet : The Ten Commandments

Disclaimer : All the futile attempts at humour are intended and expressed...poorly

The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines buffet as a meal at which people serve themselves from a table and then stand or sit somewhere else to eat. But for me or anyone reading this, a buffet would be defined as “Limited amount, unlimited food”. As exciting as it may sound, unlimited food , if not eaten according to the rules etched by Gadothgajan, is a bane. Since the Archaeological Survey of India failed to conduct proper survey in this area (India), I was lucky enough to stumble upon this ancient stone which had ten important rules for a buffet. As per the wish of Gadothgajan, I would like to enlighten all human beings.

The following rules are translated into simple English for the benefit of all.

Rule No.1: 12 hours minimum starvation. Water and fresh juices with 99% water content can be consumed.

Rule No.2: Avoid using vehicles to reach the destination. Walk or run (Whichever suits your appetite better).

Rule No.3: Do not panic on seeing myriad of eatable items. A soup will help you to calm down and think more clearly.

Rule No.4: Do not forget to add pepper to the soup. Pepper stimulates hunger.

Rule no.5: Do not classify the items as starters, main course and desserts. It adds unnecessary pressure and performance level deteriorates.

Rule No.6: Avoid green salads and other raw vegetables. They occupy excess space.

Rule No.7: Do not be a victim of gluttony to a specific item. You may end up missing one or two items and hence suffer psychological break-down.

Rule No.8: Small walks are advisable during the mission as it surely increases the intake efficiency.

Rule No.9: Do not entertain adrenalin rushing conversations during the mission as researches have shown they induce false feeling of “Whew! I am full! “.

Rule No.10: Drop a tear when you pay the bill. This indicates how successful your mission was.

After all ...
This is the way a buffet ends
This is the way a buffet ends
This is the way a buffet ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
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