Showing posts with label Dubakur Daily. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dubakur Daily. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

She has arrears in journalism, but bags a Pulitzer prize

A student of Asian College of Journalism  has won a Pulitzer prize even before completing her graduation. 
Vasudha Venugopal (name not changed on request), a first and final-year journalism student at Asian College of Journalism has been awarded a Pulitzer  by the Columbia University, eight months before she graduates, for her outstanding article in The Hindu. 
Notes from the editor: While our correspondent at Dubakar Daily was writing this article, we received information that Ms. Vasudha has actually graduated and is currently working at The Hindu. We chose to ignore this fact and go ahead with the awe-inspiring headline that you read now.
Vasudha worked on the award winning article for only 15 minutes and carried out most of her work in her home in Chennai or at the beautiful premises of Asian College of journalism. While we are not sure of the exact location, we are certain that our facts about the facts mentioned in the above sentences are certainly uncertain. 
“I never liked to do journalism. I had always wanted to be a story letter  like J.K. Rowling, but my father said only a degree in journalism would ensure a good career. There is a thin line between fact and fiction and most of the words are lost in translation," she said, bemusing the reporters of Dubakur Daily who are not aware of many clichéd sentences or metaphors for that matter. 
When she failed in two subjects in journalism, Vasudha went back to story telling. “Since ACJ did not have facilities for high-quality research, I approached other institutions. I spent hours reading about advancements in story telling and the work of wonderful authors such as Stephenie Meyer of the Twilight fame,” she said.
“I cleared the arrears but failed in more subjects in subsequent years. Clearing journalism exams needed preparation with frequently-asked questions. I never had the time or inclination to do that because of my interest and involvement in story telling,” she said.
Notes from the editor: While we may or may not have established that ACJ offers a 1 year program, we thought of questioning the veracity of the quote from the Pulitzer winner. But she is a Pulitzer winner and one cannot simply question people who have achieved so much in such a bizarre manner
Encouraged by her professors at the University, Vasudha started writing articles for The Hindu. “My greatest worry was losing out on attendance in college. Every morning, I would sit and calculate the number of days of attendance I needed to get the mandatory 75 per cent attendance,” she said. Vasudha published her first article in The Hindu in 2012 [citation needed], and her subsequent eight articles were also published by The Hindu.
After reading her article about the reincarnation of Neils Bohr, Dr. Rohit Gunturi, Columbia University immediately honored her with the Pulitzer prize.
“Last month, I got a call requesting me to accept the Pulitzer. I was like totally like so excited and didn't know what to do. I am still like totally excited about this," she said, putting on a fake American accent.  
“I have a job offer from Hindu. But making up stories is my first love. I cannot imagine doing anything else.”
Ms. Vasudha was not available for comment. 
Notes from the editor: This news articles leaves you with so many thought provoking questions. Was Vasudha an employee of The Hindu or was she a student? If Vasudha wasn't available for comment, whose quotes are present in the article? We will never know. For the sheer quality of the article, I choose to publish this without any apprehensions. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Indian English is our English

Dear Readers,

Recently, the leading newspaper in this side of the Cooum river, Dubakur Daily, conducted a competition to promote the prominence of Indian English through mainstream media. The competition was to reproduce cult movie quotes in Indian English and the top 10 altered quotes were to be published in the paper. One would expect such competitions to be a hit among the masses but it was not to be so. This was because of the increasing number of elitists in the society who ridicule the common people who speak Indian English. These are the people who spell 'centre' as 'center' in the phrase 'centre of attraction'. These are the people who cringe when someone makes an innocent grammatical mistake. What is wrong in saying 'cannot able to'? The meaning of the sentence is remotely affected due to such trivial mistakes, yet these elitists mock the patriotic Indian citizens who want to use our own form of English. Why can't we carve an identity for ourselves with our own form of English? Take a look at the top 8 entries for the competition mentioned above and decide for yourself. These cult movie dialogues have just become so much better with our own Indian English.

8. Usual Suspects

Original dialogue: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that..he's gone!
Indian edition:


7. Appolo 13

Original dialogue: Houston, we have a problem. 
Indian edition:

6. A Few Good Men



6*. Godfather


4. Terminator

Original Dialogue: I'll be back.
Better version: 


3. Any James Bond movie.


2. Taxi Driver

Original dialogue: You talkin' to me?
Best ever version:

1. Scarface

Original dialogue: Say hello to my little friend.
Better version:


Didn't I tell you these cult dialogues sound even better in Indian English? You are the best judge. I hope you can able to understand and I hope you won't mock these people like anything. Indian English is here to stay and prosper..with or without your help. 

Thanks and Regards,
Editor. 



Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Mylapore Maami Sues Hershey's

After being inspired by the latest Apple-Samsung lawsuit, Pattu Maami from Mylapore has taken an apple leaf out of Tim Cook's book to file a lawsuit on the famous chocolate manufacturer, The Hershey Company. She claims that the design of Hershey's Kisses, one of the famous products of the company, is blatantly copied from the design of Kozhakattai - a dish made on Vinayaga Chathurthi for Lord Ganesh but mercilessly eaten by human beings in the lord's name. On close observation, one can note the similarities between the two designs and it is surprising that none of the yesteryear maamis observed this conspicuous  similarity in the design. Hershey's kisses have been in production from 1907 and the company has made a profit of at least $100 trillion dollars from the product. "I expect a compensation of $100 trillion dollars," she said, in a vehement manner, and added "I have been kind enough to ignore the effect of inflation in the calculation." 


If the case is successful, this will become one of the biggest lawsuit in the history of pointless lawsuits, thus putting the Apple-Samsung case to shame. Pattu Maami's case is strong but it has opposition from several maamis across the neighborhood, who claim that the Kozhakattai's design belongs to their own ancestors. To resolve this issue, a Kozhakattai making competition is expected to take place tomorrow to determine the design that closely resembles the Hershey's kisses. However, Venu Shaastrigal [name changed on request] of Kapaleeshwarar Temple is unhappy with the trivial pursuit of trillion dollars by the Mylapore Maamis. "None of us can claim the Kozhakattai's design for ourselves. It belongs to Lord Vinayaga himself. While I am not totally against the lawsuit, I feel that the money should come to the Kapaleeshwarar temple as a token of appreciation for Lord Siva for giving birth to Lord Vinayaga," he said thoughtfully while slyly asking for donation for the temple. He also said, "I believe the money will be sent in twenty trucks containing several thousand coins. The temple's Hundial can handle such volumes easily."

Recent developments have indicated that the Hershey Company will not to give up without a fight. The company's lawyers have come up with a bizarre defense, which is inspired by Samsung's defense, in which Samsung claimed the tablet was invented by Stanley Kubric in 2001: A Space Odyssey. "Both Kozhakattai and Hershey's kisses have been copied from the design of an onion," the lawyers said triumphantly and then corrected, "rather a miniature version of the onion." This defense has opened an opportunity for people to lay claim for the design of the onion, which has been in existence from the Neolithic era. This is just the beginning of a saga that might shock everyone in this world. 

A bizarre defense from Hershey's

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Understanding TOI's Ad Campaign

What TOI's front page was on 4th September, 2012.

What TOI's front page actually meant

Friday, March 18, 2011

Karunanidhi,Jayalalitha deny election campaign at Chepauk. Vijayakanth offended.


Chennai.Following the promotion of 'Dum Maaro Dum' in the India-South Africa nail-biter at Nagpur, rumours are afloat that big names in Tamil Nadu politics will promote themselves in the India-West Indies match at Chepauk. With just few days left for the election, socio-political scientist and versatile vaudevillian veteran, Mr.T.Rajendar, suggested that this campaign would define the course of the election. "Cricket matches in Chepauk have always yielded a larger number of people who come to watch cricket," he said, in a very thoughtful tone, before adding, “I think both Mr.Karunanidhi and Ms. Jayalalitha will speak to the crowd between overs and present their cases vociferously. But, Mr.Vijayakanth will be one to watch out for". Despite the smooth interview, Mr.T.Rajendar suffered from a psychological break-down as he couldn't implement his trademark rhyming dialogues in any of his sentences. 

Amma reveals her crush on Piyush
Ms.Jayalalitha, however, vehemently denied the reports and expressed her opinion in an irate manner. “Can’t I even see a match peacefully at Chepauk? I am a huge fan of Indian Cricket Team and using a cricket match as a platform for election is very disrespectful," she fumed. "Moreover, I am sick of listening to Ravi Shastri's commentary and the best way to get rid of that is by watching the match live at Chepauk," she said, taking an unexpected dig at Ravi Shastri. On the lighter side, she answered questions which weren't political quite cheerfully. "Piyush Chawla is my favourite bowler. The way he bowls..you know..I don't know what to say..Umm..His balls are awesome," she stammered, out of unbridled excitement.


"I am the only 'Captain' in this country"
Mr.Karunanidhi was an animated figure as he thrashed the election campaign claims by Dubakur Daily as 'preposterous' and 'fake'. He said he had plans with his third wife on March 20th and didn't even care for the match as much as he cared for his hair. But the presence of forty yellow towels on the chairs in the Pavilion stand from March 16th didn't help his cause. However, Karunanidhi was quick to his defence and retorted “I have three wives. Each wife has at least three sons. And each son should be having at least two wives. And each wife must have two sons and a daughter. Now, do the math and tell me if forty seats are enough for them."

Mr.Vijayakanth, who has been avoiding the journalists since these claims had sprung up, obliged to give his expert opinion on the matter. "I am not a fan of cricket or football or any team game. If a group of people is led by a person, he should be called a 'Team Leader' or a 'Group Leader' and certainly not a 'Captain'. The meaning of the word 'Captain' has been diluted and I honestly feel offended," said a visibly upset Vijayakanth. “I am the only 'Captain' in this country," he thundered at the end of the interview and left for his lunch hurriedly. 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Kalanidhi Vs Kalmadi

Disclaimer : This work is purely fictional. Only the characters are real.

Part 1
Elated after being appointed as the president of Indian Olympic Committee, Kalanidhi Maran spares a minute for our journalist from Dubakur Daily and talks about his plans for the Commonwealth Games.

Journalist (J) : Congratulations Mr Kalanidhi on becoming the president of the IOC and taking up responsibility for the Commonwealth Games.

Kalanidhi (K) : Thank you very much. It has been my dream to produce such a high budget movie.

J : A movie? I am asking about the CWG,sir.

K : I consider all the things I do as a movie. After all , life is a big movie and the whole word is a part of that movie.

J : That's very philosophical,sir! Anyways, can you tell us about the plans for the CWG?

K: Well,to start with..we will have about 17 events and songs in between every event.

J :Wow! That's a brilliant idea! What inspired you to get such an idea?

K : I have had this idea always. I have roped in the great musician Deva to compose the songs and Mozart of India,Mani Sharma to compose music for the opening ceremony.

J: Fantastic! Sounds fabulous! What about the venue for the events, sir?

K : We have quite a lot of options for that. I have sent a team to hunt for locations.

J : Can you elucidate,sir?

K : Well,for swimming we have zeroed on River Thames. Such a beautiful location. All the swimmers are in for some treat!

J : Makes me wanna become a swimmer! Very exciting! What about the track events?

K : All the track events will take place in and around the Colosseum of Rome. It will give the event more authenticity and reality and the athletes will surely love the location.

J: Mind blowing! This is surely going to be the best CWG ever! Have you planned anything else,sir?

K: That's it for now. I have a meeting now. Just watch out for many surprises.

J : Sure! All the best Mr.Kalanidhi!

Part 2
Our journalist from Dubakur Daily catches up with Mr.Suresh Kalmadi,producer of the latest Superstar movie Enthiran,for just 42 seconds. Here is what he has to say about the movie.
Journalist (J): What is your take on the movie,sir?

Kalmadi (K) : I take everything.

J : Pardon me? You take everything? Oh you mean the responsibility?

K : No No. Wait I shall explain. Heard of the Ba Ba Black Sheep rhyme? I am a huge fan of that rhyme. I shall take one for my first wife,one for my second wife and one for my third wife who lives down the road.

J : Oh, So how will you produce the movie?

K : Rajnikanth will demand my resignation sooner or later. I shall oblige to that but deny the fact that I have stolen any money. And since you know this I will give you Thousand Rupees.

J : But I am sure the whole crew will need your support to complete the movie,sir. Why don't you produce it?

K : SECURITY!! This man is trying to talk me into producing this movie. Take him away.

J : *Indistinct Noise*

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