Sunday, June 26, 2011

Transfer Update: Manchester City's Summer Extravaganza

Since the start of the Transfer Window, Manchester City have not hit the headlines as much as they would have liked. While Liverpool and Manchester United have already grabbed the limelight with their star signings, City have hardly managed to find the back pages. Even Mario Balotelli's antics haven't helped City's cause. 
This lack of activity during the "transfer silly season" has infuriated the owner of Manchester City, Mr.Sheikh Mansour. He has given Roberto Mancini a modest €600m to spend on players, who are "special" and have unparalleled footballing abilities. Rumors are afloat that Mancini isn't happy with meager sum as he has scouted for players with phenomenal ability but astronomical prices. This article will attempt to guide you through the minefield of gossip to give you the inside track of what might happen at City in the next two months.
This is the first big name to be associated with Manchester City this summer. Since young British talents are the flavor of the current market, Mancini has had his eye on the young British striker for a couple of months. "Peter Pan is a wonder kid. In fact, he will be a wonder kid even after 20 years," Mancini said, with extra emphasis on the word 'kid'. Mancini is certain to sign the kid and is believed to use him as a second striker to utilize his uncanny ability to score goals with his long nose. Mancini has proved his footballing acumen by securing the services of a "forever"young talent, while his counterparts,Kenny Dalglish and Sir Alex, have spent money on young British players, who will eventually grow old. 

Not content with the plethora of strikers in the club, Manchester City is shockingly linked with Trojan Horse FC striker, Achilles. Since City's style of play includes a couple of unnecessary back heels, Achilles wouldn't be quite suited to the system due to a major injury sustained while swimming in the River Styx. However, Mancini believes that Achilles has the ability to destroy any defenses in the world."I am not signing the old and saggy Brad Pitt. I am signing Achilles, the legendary striker," Mancini fumed, on hearing negative comments about the player. Mancini has stiff competition from various Greek clubs for the player and will probably offer more than €100m to secure the services of Trojan Horse FC's talisman.

Don Vito Corleone has been ironically linked with Manchester City right from when Kolo Toure was banned for using questionable drugs. The speculations have continued this summer and it is conceived that Mancini has a made an offer Vito Corleone can't refuse. However, Don Corleone is mighty unimpressed with Mancini's approach. "I only make offers people can't refuse. No one makes offers I can't refuse," Vito Corleone bellowed in a recent press meet. The deal will not materialize, mostly. 

A number of clubs have shown interest in this versatile player, who is a plumber by profession, midfielder by choice and a defender by compulsion. Due to his plumbing background, it is a general notion that he doesn't leak goals at the back. Hence, it comes as no big surprise that Inter Milan is after him. However, Man City is the favorite to land Super Mario. Mancini is keen on giving Mario Balotelli an egoistical snub by signing his namesake, Super Mario. Mancini expects Mario Balotelli's performance to enhance by this tactical move. Although, it is quite unclear what Mancini has in his mind.

On Saturday evening, it was reported by a reputable website that Man City is set to complete a fantabulous signing of an uncapped, unknown, unprecedented player of the highest quality. If the sources are to be trusted, the player has been virtually made using FIFA-11's "Create your own player" option. He has all the parameters such as agility, ball control, finishing set to a value of 99 on a scale of 100. This news has taken everyone by surprise and Sir Alex has already raised his vociferous opposition to the FA. Mancini,however, was hardly nonplussed with the situation and suggested that his name will down in history as the pioneer of  "Virtual Player Capturing." Everyone is anxiously waiting for FA's & FIFA's reaction towards this saga.

If you have heard about any Transfer rumors related to Manchester City, kindly let us know by commenting below.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Twitter vs Facebook

We live in a world of 'tweets' and 'statuses'. Urinating on the 'wall' and polluting it need not necessarily mean the compound walls of your neighbors' house. Shakespeare in Love would be mercilessly corrupted to Shakespeare in 'Like' for promotional purposes. We are all slaves of Mark Zuckerberg and humble servants of Jack Dorsey . Pathetic attempt at a bombastic intro - Check.
 Not a day goes without us spending time on these social networking sites. This post is certainly not an epic rant about the impact of social networking sites on today's youth. I am certainly over my tenth standard SST paper. In this post, I shall merely elucidate why Twitter is better than Facebook.

1. Limited snubs
Thanks to the concept of "Followers and Followings", Twitter scores a notch above Facebook, which has the concept of "Friends". A girl who snubs your friend request on FB wouldn't mind you stalking her on Twitter because having a lot of followers is prestigious. Hence, above average stalkers like us are saved from the embarrassment of soul-crushing snubs. Although there are guys who try hard to strike a conversation in Twitter but eventually end up getting blocked by the girl. So for a sane person, Twitter is no bane.

2. Celebrities Complex
Though not as serious as the Oedipus or Electra complex, Celebrities complex has its own demerits. For all those people who feel jealous of actors and actresses, Twitter is a place where you need to be to get that jealousy out of you. When you follow their tweets, it will be quite evident that they are no different from you - wanting more followers, wanting more attention , wanting more attention for their dogs or worse, cats. They will get abused by thousands daily and yet pretend nothing happened. Twitter allows us to feel we are no different from the celebrities. Sadly, Facebook doesn't allow us this luxury unless you are a celebrities' friend.

3. Twitter teaches terseness
If you can't sell a Justin Beiber Music CD with 140 characters, you can't possibly sell it with 14000 characters. Twitter finds your lack of brevity disturbing.It teaches the value of each character and makes us avoid unnecessary fillers like "hmmm, ummm,eeeee,oooohh,loooool." Though, I wouldn't advise an Anna University student to tweet regularly, as his semester exams solely depend on the 14000+ characters of crap he writes.

4. Spams are very few
The number of spams in Facebook is tantamount to the number of stars in the Galaxy. Everyone is curious to know how Osama was killed or curious to know which friend stalks you. And due to these spams, you will have a group of people putting status messages showing off that they were ingenious enough not to click on those spams and hence, inadvertently,spamming about spams. And there will be a person who expresses his/her grudge towards people who spam about spam. And this spam about spamming about spam will put the Monty Python's Spam sketch to shame. However, there are no spamming issues in Twitter unless you follow @rioferdy5.

5. Hash-tag your way to glory
Twitter is the only place that tolerates your haphazard use of hash-tags. And more than that, your tweets appear in searches related to that hash-tagged item too! You can be famous in a short while if you hash-tag the right words. Here is an example:
Wrong usage: #Tonight I can haz Sex on the Beach.
Correct usage: Tonight I can haz #Sex on the Beach.

As you can see, Twitter is clearly a better place to be and it has many more advantages, which an amateur tweeter might not be aware of. And Twitter is not all that complicated as people make it seem like with words like RT,DM,TL,OB,ZJ,XD and etc. Twitter is an Utopian place filled with wannabes, snobs, shameless self-promoters, anonymous flirts and,most importantly, stalkers like you and me.

PS: As a voracious stalker, it is my duty to let you know that my twitter handle is @lowfundaboy and I would follow you for free.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Google Doodle: Happy Birthday Karunanidhi!

Here is a Google Doodle that Dennis Hwang should have made. His lack of respect towards our eternal leader appalls me. This doodle reflects Mr. Karunanidhi's pensive mood in this dire circumstances and hence won't contain his trademark lustrous yellow towel. Once again, Happy Birthday, Sir! May you live 100 years and be part of the 3G scam.

Yes, Google home page should be in Tamil as a mark of respect..
Inspired from an article in Faking News.
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