Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Mylapore Maami Sues Hershey's

After being inspired by the latest Apple-Samsung lawsuit, Pattu Maami from Mylapore has taken an apple leaf out of Tim Cook's book to file a lawsuit on the famous chocolate manufacturer, The Hershey Company. She claims that the design of Hershey's Kisses, one of the famous products of the company, is blatantly copied from the design of Kozhakattai - a dish made on Vinayaga Chathurthi for Lord Ganesh but mercilessly eaten by human beings in the lord's name. On close observation, one can note the similarities between the two designs and it is surprising that none of the yesteryear maamis observed this conspicuous  similarity in the design. Hershey's kisses have been in production from 1907 and the company has made a profit of at least $100 trillion dollars from the product. "I expect a compensation of $100 trillion dollars," she said, in a vehement manner, and added "I have been kind enough to ignore the effect of inflation in the calculation." 

If the case is successful, this will become one of the biggest lawsuit in the history of pointless lawsuits, thus putting the Apple-Samsung case to shame. Pattu Maami's case is strong but it has opposition from several maamis across the neighborhood, who claim that the Kozhakattai's design belongs to their own ancestors. To resolve this issue, a Kozhakattai making competition is expected to take place tomorrow to determine the design that closely resembles the Hershey's kisses. However, Venu Shaastrigal [name changed on request] of Kapaleeshwarar Temple is unhappy with the trivial pursuit of trillion dollars by the Mylapore Maamis. "None of us can claim the Kozhakattai's design for ourselves. It belongs to Lord Vinayaga himself. While I am not totally against the lawsuit, I feel that the money should come to the Kapaleeshwarar temple as a token of appreciation for Lord Siva for giving birth to Lord Vinayaga," he said thoughtfully while slyly asking for donation for the temple. He also said, "I believe the money will be sent in twenty trucks containing several thousand coins. The temple's Hundial can handle such volumes easily."

Recent developments have indicated that the Hershey Company will not to give up without a fight. The company's lawyers have come up with a bizarre defense, which is inspired by Samsung's defense, in which Samsung claimed the tablet was invented by Stanley Kubric in 2001: A Space Odyssey. "Both Kozhakattai and Hershey's kisses have been copied from the design of an onion," the lawyers said triumphantly and then corrected, "rather a miniature version of the onion." This defense has opened an opportunity for people to lay claim for the design of the onion, which has been in existence from the Neolithic era. This is just the beginning of a saga that might shock everyone in this world. 

A bizarre defense from Hershey's

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Understanding TOI's Ad Campaign

What TOI's front page was on 4th September, 2012.

What TOI's front page actually meant

Friday, June 8, 2012

Django Unchained Unraveled

These movie critics get really excited whenever a new movie releases. It is a chance for their reviews to attain rave reviews. These critiques are also reviewed by other movie critiques and some bloggers who are desperate to strike a conversation with the movie critics on Twitter. However, this post is not one of those reviews about reviews about movie reviews. This article belongs to the burgeoning trend of dissecting trailers or "hey, look, I can fucking think like the director and I can direct better than him if I get a chance and I can make better trailers too" by aspiring movie critics, who are self-proclaimed 'reading into the director's mind' experts. 

Let us go into the minds of these people, who go into the minds of the directors, and dissect the latest trailer of Django Unchained directed by Quentin Tarantino. I am sure the movie had your curiosity, but now it will have your attention. Watch the trailer before you start reading the dissection.

1. The first scene of the trailer starts with some profound words, which might or might not have been left by Quentin Tarantino. However, similar messages have been shown at the beginning of his previous films such as <list Tarantino's movies>. It is odd that Tarantino sticks to this message despite the different genres of movies he directs. Oh wait, this message looks like it is from the Motion Picture Association of America, Inc. Never mind. Let us move on to the next screenshot.
The trailer opens with these strange lines in a green background surprising the audience
2. The back side of black person is shown up close. There are a lot of scars, which might depict some cryptic message. On a close second look, it seems to say "Sorry, you are fucking wasting your time here."
What are the scars saying?
3. Due to the poor lighting, we are unable to decipher what exactly is going on in the screen. Many apologies. Thanks and Regards.  

Too dark to make a clever intrepretation
4. If you are thinking Edwin Porter is the main antagonist of this movie and has a very important role to play in the movie, then you are as wrong as <insert terrible shame inducing metaphor>. This is an homage to Edwin Porter, an American film pioneer, who directed one of the earliest Western Movies called The Great Train Robbery. Or the Edwin Porter might be a close accomplice of Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio), who might be killed half way through the movie as a cost cutting measure. You never know it until you actually watch the movie.

Train Robbery? Isn't the movie about slaves?
5. Wonderful silhouette ain't it? Picture doesn't say much except that it shows the trailer is half complete and the other half of this terrific dissection is coming right at you.

6. We can confidently say that movie will release this Christmas. Although if you had watched the trailer closely, it seems like an answer to Django's (Jamie Foxx) question. Looks like the movie takes place in the month of December or maybe not.

Yes, Christmas is in 6 months and 18 days.
 7. Gentlemen, you had the curiosity about this dissection but we are sure you lost the attention.
DiCaprio surely has my attention
8. What's a Quentin Tarantino movie without some bloodshed? Worried whether the blood group is O+ or AB-? No one really cares.

Red blood on white flowers. Excellent contrast. Or some shit movie critics say
9.  From the trailer, we can safely assert that Leonoardo DeCaprio owned Jamie Foxx. Yes, this movie is racist and hence, 'owned' doesn't necessarily have to be the slang word,

Word of the day: Rambunctious

10. The trailer ends with an usual note of "For more exclusive and exciting promotions, go to our Facebook page." We have nothing more to add to that and we sincerely advise movie critics to patiently wait for the movie instead of coming up with their own versions of the movie.


To conclude, Boromir has something to say.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Game of Indian Politics: A Comparative Study

George R.R Martin's Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire) and Indian Politics have too many striking similarities that we can't ignore. To start with, both have too many characters who are greedy, immoral, lustful, ostentatious and what not (add suitable adjectives of your liking).  Like the land of Westeros, India can be divided into the 7 major areas: Chennai, Bengaluru, Mumbai and Pune, Rajasthan, Delhi, Kolkata and Punjab. Oh wait. These are the IPL teams and I conveniently forgot Deccan Chargers. Never mind. Although there is one major difference between the two. The Wall in Westeros is present in The North while The Wall (Yes, Rahul Dravid) in India is present in the south.

The similarities don't end with the overall picture given above. Each character in the Game of Thrones bares an uncanny resemblance to someone in Indian Politics. Let us see few of those striking similarities now.

That is all I could think of, but I am sure there are more. If you can think of any other similarities, kindly spread the gyan.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

A New Post

Yes yes, I know you haven't been waiting for my blog post nor wondered why I haven't blogged for a long time but it is my humble duty to remind you that my blog exists and so do I. I have never been a regular blogger (nor will I ever be) but, like all sane bloggers, I would love to be regular and a little entertaining once in a while.

Before you mistakenly presume that this blog post is going to be a little entertaining, I would like you to look at the title of this post. Since I couldn't think of anything clever or funny, I have stuck to the tab's name in which I am writing this post: New Post. Oh, I did add an article. As you can see, I have reached a creative nadir. Although the last time I gave a title for a blog post, the blog went viral and garnered more attention than Sunny Leone's antics in Big Boss 5. The title contributed very little to the virality of the post as the content, by itself, was hilarious! Yes, it was this post by this Lady and this KD. Now, don't ask me for the lady's identity or her intro.

So, why I haven't I blogged in a long time? I have succumbed to the tedious corporate life consisting of coffee breaks, meetings and more coffee breaks and in between those I have to find time to bombard my twitter profile with boring tweets and pry on profiles of homosapiens bearing XX chromosomes. Gone are those first few days at work, when I wrote Kalanidhi Vs Kalmadi as a note on Facebook. It was only later that year I started this blog, chiefly as a quiz blog to just flaunt that "hey, even I am a quizzer!" The series of questions were called Today's Kelvi aka TK and I wrote a note about TK to garner attention. What I also did was build a mascot, or rather a banner, for TK.
Sir TR challenja asking you to answer TK
But then, I lost interest in TK as there were few quiz groups on Facebook which were certainly more entertaining than TK. Moreover, the phrase "Answer in the blog" was severely scrutinized by high funda quizzers.

From the Drafts

In between TKs, I wrote few posts which evoked sadness more than a wry smile but that didn't stop me from tormenting people with more posts. However, there are two things that I have always wanted to do in my blog:

1. Write a short story or a serious article:
For Commonwealth's Short Story competition, I decided to make an attempt on writing a short story. After many days of writing and rewriting, I completed the story only to realise that Ra.One had a better story line.

I also tried writing something serious akin to Rorschach's Journal and I stopped after the first few words. You will know why I stopped when you read it.

"The Tale of Turtle, the Tortoise 

Turtle's Journal,
April 13th, 2011 A.D

The night is dark and the dogs bark"

Maybe I will write one this year. Maybe I won't. But I shall make an effort by asking expert tips from Cheese Charmer and Vijay Chidambaram since I can't wake O.Henry from his grave.

2. Learn Photoshop
All the images that I have exhibited in my previous blog posts were done using MS Paint. To shield my inability to produce quality photoshopped images, I claimed they were a new form of art called as PDC aka Poorly Drawn Comics. So yeah, I have been wanting to master photoshop and give this blog a non-amateurish touch. Krish Ashok's plog is one of my greatest inspirations in this area.

I tried parodying paintings using troll faces and thought of naming the post as Troll Art [not be confused with the art of trolling]. One of my friends, Deepak Vishnu, yielded to my constant nagging and made this awesome troll art of Edvard Munch's The Scream.

Troll Art: The Scream Lithograph

Although the following is what I had done before giving it to an expert. If Edvard Munch was living in the 21st century, I am certain that the face in The Scream would have been a rage face. 

Troll Art: The Scream

After that I made a marginally serious effort in parodying  RenĂ© Magritte's The Son of Man. I wouldn't call it brilliant but that is how much I could do before MS Paint started testing my patience. 

Troll Art: The Son of Man
I haven't been all that creatively challenged for a month. I did a couple of drab comics which you might want to see.
An astronomical increase in Indian citizens, who played pen fight and dikilona in India, watching the SuperBowl after going to the USA made me do this.
The SuperBowl
I also did an ad for Faking News to infuriate both The Hindu and The Times of India during the war of ads. But sadly, the two serious newspapers fought among themselves slyly avoiding a threesome.

A very profound ad

So, I might learn photoshop. Or I might rather continue with my PDCs and glorify mediocrity. One thing I will not do is leave my posts to rot in the drafts. Good or not, I will complete them for mere self satisfaction and not bother about the number of shares or likes or retweets. Ironically, it is the numbers that give you immense self satisfaction. I would like to abruptly conclude this post by saying that this blog has jumped the shark.

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