Thursday, December 30, 2010

Today's Kelvi aka TK v4.0

Howdy High Funda Homo-sapiens!

Presenting you, Today's Kelvi aka TK: It is always today's kelvi even if you ask it tomorrow or yesterday or on the Pope's birthday. TK is a franchise whose origin is not exactly known. Some believe that it started on the day Mark Twain saw the Halley's comet while others believe that it originated during World War II to cheer up grim soldiers with some futile comedy. There is also another myth that TK actually originates  in circa 2029 AD and uses time travel to reach the audience of the present. But, that would be called as Tomorrow's Kelvi and not Today's Kelvi ; Hence, the myth is rejected.

TK is not one of the leaders in its market due to stiff competition. In fact, TK has hit rock bottom due to the aggressive growth of other kampenis such as Omiethehomie by Omie the homo, Neo CaO or Harry Lime Quiz by Lord of the Quizzings , Alpha & Omega Quiz Club by 2D Man and finally, Arbit Funda by Arbit Azhagiri. However, TK vows to stabilise its rock bottom position by its new innovative version: TK v 4.0. For the uninitiated, here is a brief history about the previous versions of TK.

  • TK v1.0 - via SMS. This version lasted exactly for 28 days as the Nokia phone,which TK's providers used, decided to end its life by falling into a bucket of water from one of the providers' pocket.
  • TK v2.0 - via E-mail/ SMS. This version was considered the most successful one as it lasted for about 5 months and 21 days. TK learnt that e-mail was a very useful tool! It also used SMS ocassionaly when BSNL net connection showed its true colour.
  • TK v3.0 - via Facebook. TK's initiative to go global with Facebook bombed big time because it failed to realise Facebook is primarily for stalking girls.
  • TK v4.0 - via Blog. Inspired by Shri Shri Harish Swamigal, TK will hit the blogs this 2011 hoping that the kids of GaTech Vijay will mug all the questions from this in the future.TK v4.0 will follow a unique way of themed questions. Each week will have 4-7 questions based on a single theme chosen by Prophet Mario and his disciples. 

TK franchise promises to maintain a leader board and also assures to award the leader of each month fruitfully. Yes, even Water Melon can be an award. But don't get your hopes too high! Mostly a banana would be the award.

Watch out for the questions here next year! And kindly neglect other random articles if you are not a big fan of gibberish. May you help TK maintain its lowly position for the rest of the year.

ThanK YoU!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Man Madan Ambu: So Called Review

Disclaimer: This is a futile attempt at writing a review which pleases the Kamal Fans.

Genre: Romance? / Comedy?
Starring: Kamal Hassan, Madhavan, Trisha, Sangeetha.
Direction: K.S.Ravikumar
Music: Yo! This is DSP!

The much awaited Kamal-KSR combo movie hits the screens finally but woefully at the wrong time. The Christmas -New Year time is generally regarded as a period of joy and merrymaking and movies that are not in line with the festive mood are rarely appreciated. Man Madan Ambu starts slowly, moves at a speed that a tortoise would be proud of, wanders aimlessly like a lost pet dog and ends eons later. In fact, there is point when you feel that the luxury ship is the only thing moving in the movie and the only thing that has a final destination (Marseille is my guess). Oh yes! There is a luxury ship in the movie.

Man Madan Ambu (Cupid’s Arrow) is inevitably a love story with elements of comedy here and there.  Ambujakshi aka Ambu (Trisha) is an actress who is engaged to Madana Gopal aka Madan (Madhavan), who is a filthy rich inebriate industrialist. Madan has trust issues with Ambu because of her profession and not surprisingly, they fight and take a break. She goes on a vacation to Europe in the aforementioned ship with her class mate Deepa (Sangeetha) who is a divorcee with two kids. Major Raja Mannar (Kamal) is a private detective employed by Madan to spy Ambu’s activities. Major Mannar takes this job to cover the medical expenses of his friend (Ramesh Aravind), a cancer patient. What happens next is a series of drab scenes, with occasional witty lines that evoke laughter sparsely, building up to a climax that is predictable.

Despite the lack of depth in the script, the actors have given a commendable performance. Kamal’s charisma, Trisha’s Tamil (She has dubbed for herself for the first time), Maddy’s drunken expressions and dialogues and Sangeetha’s spontaneity are some, if not all, positives of the movie. Other positives include the luxury ship, which lures the audience with its mere presence. Kamal’s narration of his past in reverse coupled with the melodious Neela Vaanam in Kamal’s voice is very impressive. The rest of the cast fails to make an impact. Ramesh Aravind and Oorvasi are generally at their best in comical roles but still have done justice to their rather downcast roles as a cancer patient and his wife.

Devi Sri Prasad’s background score is mediocre, although few songs are worth humming. Suriya’s cameo as Trisha’s co-star in the ‘Oyyala’ song is certainly applaudable. Kamal’s unbridled talent in all areas of film making is respectable but it would be better if he only does what he is best at. To sum up, Man Madan Ambu is a disheartening effort from Kamal Hassan and K.S.Ravikumar who have given us much better rib tickling comical movies such as Avai Shanmughi, Thenali and Panchathanthiram.

Verdict: For once, Cupid’s Arrow misfires.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Whose Son Is He Anyway?

Genre : Adventure/Drama/Family/Gibberish

Disclaimer : Most of the words,phrases,names or places that sound familiar are stolen from

Scene: Classroom number 42 . 40 5th Grade Students
Teacher [adjusting his pants,pulling his tummy inside and taking a deep breath]: Dear Students. Today I am gonna tell you one of the greatest stories I’ve ever heard!!
Student 1[as excited as ever] : Is it the story of Indiana Jones,sir?
Teacher : Greatest stories are not always about Indiana Jones,kid. This is about the Life of Brian. Shall I begin?
Students in unison : Yes, sir.
Teacher :
Chapter 1 : The Brian Identity

“Once upon a time in America, there lived a lady called Rosemary who was unfaithful to three men and a baby. Rosemary’s baby was born on the 4th of July in Chinatown. He was called Brian. Brian was a simple kid who loved eating American pie and spaghetti. He had a beautiful mind and was an avid reader.He yearned to celebrate father’s day by eating chocolat with his big daddy .But whenever Brian asked Rosemary about his father/fathers she would always reply “ You can’t handle the truth”. On one fine day in the year 1984,Rosemary was on her deathbed due to the consumption of duck soup which seemed like chicken soup to her. Knowing that this was going to be the last day of her life, Rosemary tells Brian the story of her life. The story goes on for six days and seven nights. Obviously she doesn’t die before she finishes the story and dies exactly 1 minute after her story. Brian stands up slowly,bangs the wall with his fist, full of dollars, and exclaims “ She was here all night and now she is gone in 60 seconds”[Students give a thunderous applause and stop only when the teacher promises them there are more dialogues, better than this, to come in the story] .Brian vows to find his father but he knows very few details. Rosemary had told Brian the names of the three kings(she called herself a queen) in her life. Nemo, Schindler and Harry. She had also said that she believed that among Nemo,Schindler and Harry ,whoever had something 8½ inches long, was Brian’s father. Brian still wondered what was the thing that was 8½ inches long. Nevertheless, he geared up for the greatest adventure in his life. He gave himself 28 days to find his father or become a father himself.”

Student 1(shouting enthusiastically) : I know and I have something that is 8½ cm long!!
Student 2 (with a smirk on his face) : Mine is 9 cm long.
Student 3 (nonchalantly) : Length doesn’t matter. How well you use it, matters.
Student 4 (quizzically) : Are you talking about pencils?
Teacher (gets frustrated but maintains his composure) : Will you all stop the discussion now and listen to the story?
Students in unison: Yes,sir.

Teacher (clears his throat and continues the story):
Chapter 2 : Finding Nemo

Brian takes a train to Seattle and reaches there in 88 minutes. Rosemary had spent her heydays in Seattle writing a lot of scary ghost and devil stories. She was called ‘the’ ghost writer . Brian becomes restless and sleepless in Seattle after wasting five days by just observing the lives of others. On the sixth day, Brian gets a gorgeous idea to advertise in the newspaper about Nemo ,Schindler and Harry. He runs to the apartment nearby to ask for help. Brian climbs 39 steps and rings the bell. An old boy opens the door and exclaims " Welcome home my son". Brian is surprised but doesn't ask any questions. The old boy introduces himself as Nemo, the greatest head banger of all times and explains how he banged Rosemary. Despite being ecstatic about the serendipity,Brian is curious to know how Nemo knew Brian would arrive. Nemo coolly answers " intuition because of an inception " [Students are in an awestruck wonder and bow in reverence]. Brian seems convinced but suddenly remembers about the 8½ inch thing which his father should possess. He asks Nemo for something 8½ inch long to prove he is the father. Nemo thinks hard with his eyes wide shut and then feels ashamed that he has nothing longer than 8 cm with him. Brian leaves saying "You are the father I deserve, but not the one I need right now.You are a silent guardian, watchful protector.The Dark Dad."
[Students whistle and clap loudly even though they don't understand what a dark dad is.]
The bell rings and the teacher promises to continue the story in the next class.

Watch out for the next episode of Whose Son is he Anyway? and here is a preview of what you might witness.

Chapter 3 : Schindler's List

Brian travels to Munich to search for Schindler and successfully finds him but he is surprised when Rosemary is not there in Schindler's List of women he has had. Will Schindler hav a List B which has the name of Rosemary? Stay tuned!

Chapter 4 : Dirty Harry
If Brian confirms Schindler is his father,this chapter will not be there.

Chapter 5 : May or may not be there
The script writer isn't sure of the story himself.
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