Disclaimer : Most of the words,phrases,names or places that sound familiar are stolen from www.imdb.com
Scene: Classroom number 42 . 40 5th Grade Students
Teacher [adjusting his pants,pulling his tummy inside and taking a deep breath]: Dear Students. Today I am gonna tell you one of the greatest stories I’ve ever heard!!
Student 1[as excited as ever] : Is it the story of Indiana Jones,sir?
Teacher : Greatest stories are not always about Indiana Jones,kid. This is about the Life of Brian. Shall I begin?
Students in unison : Yes, sir.
Chapter 1 : The Brian Identity
“Once upon a time in America, there lived a lady called Rosemary who was unfaithful to three men and a baby. Rosemary’s baby was born on the 4th of July in Chinatown. He was called Brian. Brian was a simple kid who loved eating American pie and spaghetti. He had a beautiful mind and was an avid reader.He yearned to celebrate father’s day by eating chocolat with his big daddy .But whenever Brian asked Rosemary about his father/fathers she would always reply “ You can’t handle the truth”. On one fine day in the year 1984,Rosemary was on her deathbed due to the consumption of duck soup which seemed like chicken soup to her. Knowing that this was going to be the last day of her life, Rosemary tells Brian the story of her life. The story goes on for six days and seven nights. Obviously she doesn’t die before she finishes the story and dies exactly 1 minute after her story. Brian stands up slowly,bangs the wall with his fist, full of dollars, and exclaims “ She was here all night and now she is gone in 60 seconds”[Students give a thunderous applause and stop only when the teacher promises them there are more dialogues, better than this, to come in the story] .Brian vows to find his father but he knows very few details. Rosemary had told Brian the names of the three kings(she called herself a queen) in her life. Nemo, Schindler and Harry. She had also said that she believed that among Nemo,Schindler and Harry ,whoever had something 8½ inches long, was Brian’s father. Brian still wondered what was the thing that was 8½ inches long. Nevertheless, he geared up for the greatest adventure in his life. He gave himself 28 days to find his father or become a father himself.”
Student 1(shouting enthusiastically) : I know and I have something that is 8½ cm long!!
Student 2 (with a smirk on his face) : Mine is 9 cm long.
Student 3 (nonchalantly) : Length doesn’t matter. How well you use it, matters.
Student 4 (quizzically) : Are you talking about pencils?
Teacher (gets frustrated but maintains his composure) : Will you all stop the discussion now and listen to the story?
Students in unison: Yes,sir.
Teacher (clears his throat and continues the story):
Chapter 2 : Finding Nemo
Brian takes a train to Seattle and reaches there in 88 minutes. Rosemary had spent her heydays in Seattle writing a lot of scary ghost and devil stories. She was called ‘the’ ghost writer . Brian becomes restless and sleepless in Seattle after wasting five days by just observing the lives of others. On the sixth day, Brian gets a gorgeous idea to advertise in the newspaper about Nemo ,Schindler and Harry. He runs to the apartment nearby to ask for help. Brian climbs 39 steps and rings the bell. An old boy opens the door and exclaims " Welcome home my son". Brian is surprised but doesn't ask any questions. The old boy introduces himself as Nemo, the greatest head banger of all times and explains how he banged Rosemary. Despite being ecstatic about the serendipity,Brian is curious to know how Nemo knew Brian would arrive. Nemo coolly answers " intuition because of an inception " [Students are in an awestruck wonder and bow in reverence]. Brian seems convinced but suddenly remembers about the 8½ inch thing which his father should possess. He asks Nemo for something 8½ inch long to prove he is the father. Nemo thinks hard with his eyes wide shut and then feels ashamed that he has nothing longer than 8 cm with him. Brian leaves saying "You are the father I deserve, but not the one I need right now.You are a silent guardian, watchful protector.The Dark Dad."
[Students whistle and clap loudly even though they don't understand what a dark dad is.]
The bell rings and the teacher promises to continue the story in the next class.
Watch out for the next episode of Whose Son is he Anyway? and here is a preview of what you might witness.
Chapter 3 : Schindler's List
Brian travels to Munich to search for Schindler and successfully finds him but he is surprised when Rosemary is not there in Schindler's List of women he has had. Will Schindler hav a List B which has the name of Rosemary? Stay tuned!
Chapter 4 : Dirty Harry
If Brian confirms Schindler is his father,this chapter will not be there.
Chapter 5 : May or may not be there
The script writer isn't sure of the story himself.