Monday, October 24, 2011

Unconventional Methods of Bursting Conventional Crackers

          "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
This cult dialogue is apparently inspired from the festival that holds epochal significance for oil baths more than crackers nowadays. The excitement that surrounds Diwali is exponentially decreasing and has hit a rock bottom this time because of a small time film called Ra.One. Apart from that, Diwali evokes some sense of global concern to issues such as pollution and child labor, for which people do not give a rat's ass otherwise. People have just gotten lazy to burst crackers. This might be due to the fact that they are bored of the conventional crackers and the same old way the crackers burst. That brings us to the importance of the unconventional title of  yet another conventional post. In this post, we shall be discussing the different ways of bursting various crackers, with the help of an unconventional tool called PDC. Don't get flabbergasted now. PDC is an acronym for Poorly Drawn Comics.

Indian crackers can be broadly classified as follows:

Over the years, we would have burst all kind of crackers and eventually lost the enthusiasm to burst them again. Here are few ways to revive the forgotten art of bursting crackers. 

1. Flower Pots
Every Diwali morning, people start their bursting sessions with a Bhusvanam or a flower pot to please their grandmothers as flower pots, for no apparent reason, signify prosperity. This may or may not be true but what is certainly true is that these flower pots are endangered species. People have lost interest in crackers that do not emit sound less than 10 dB. We strongly hope that the following unconventional ways might inspire you to lay your hands on a flower pot again. 

2. Rockets
It is not exciting when you know that your rockets won't cross even half the distance of Dr. Vijay's long jump in Vettaikaran. Rockets can be fun if used in a game called "Counter Ra.One". The objective of the game is to hit the omnipresent Ra.One bill boards or posters and points will be awarded accordingly. Here is a PDC illustrating the physics involved in such a game. 

3. The Bonfire Disposition
This method is for the people who want to burn their crackers as quickly as possible, so that they can go back home and watch the new movie aired in Sun TV. As the name indicates, make a bonfire using the cracker dabbas and throw each and every cracker one by one. Might be fun as long as you don't throw a rocket, which might follow the "Actual Trajectory#2" and disappoint your girl friend or wife.

4. Otha Vedis
'Otha', in this context, refers to the single sound made by a cracker and not the expletive often heard at the roadsides or at colleges or at work places or anywhere in and around Tamil Nadu. These vedis often have a Hindu deity's name and their etymologies can seldom be traced. These are extremely boring vedis even for the most avid lover of crackers. At best, these can be burst on your hands, in case you want to impress the girl next door, or thrown at people or thrown into the bonfire as mentioned above. You can also poorly enact this scene from Dark Knight (see picture below) using 'Otha Vedis', but I advise you not to trust the ignition time of our crackers. Sometimes they burst instantaneously and most of the times, they take eternity.

There are many other crackers and many other innovative methods to burst them, but none of them will give you immense satisfaction relief as watching Ra.One. The only way to be relieved from the curse of Ra.One advertisements is by watching the movie as soon as possible. For all you know, SRK might take help from Nolan and promote Ra.One in our dreams. Hurry to the theaters now! Happy Ra.One Diwali Folks! 
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