Sunday, August 21, 2011

How You Must Celebrate Madras Day!

Did you know that Francis Day is the reason why Madras Day is celebrated? So when is Francis Day celebrated? Do not Google. Read this to know the answer. In case you know the answer, read this anyway.

For most of us, Madras Day is about celebrating the rich history of the city by cleaning and white-washing the heritage sites for the occasion, eating traditional Madras meals and speaking Tamil in the coveted Madras slang. I am not sure about the last part though. For a few geeks, it is about indulging themselves in crazy trivia about Madras and boasting about the same. For others, it’s about watching a Tamil movie and saying Tamil movies are the best. Chennai (Madras),the capital of Tamil Nadu, is also the capital for Tamil movies aka Kollywood. So, for this Madras Day I shall try my best to convince people how Tamil Cinema is on par with Hollywood, if not better.

The youth of today always come out exasperated after watching a Tamil Cinema. They compare Tamil Cinema with Hollywood and complain it isn’t up to the mark. First of all, we must understand the fact that the directors here are not given the freedom that is given to the Hollywood directors. Let me elucidate. Ever seen a Quentin Tarantino movie without the word “fuck” used in it? If I ask Tarantino to make a movie without “fuck”, he would probably quit making films and work in a Tea Kadai. Yes my friends, this one word is what gives Tarantino movies the cult status.. How much better would Tamil Cinema be if the word “Otha” was used as much as “fuck” is used? It would certainly be phenomenal. But sadly to our dismay, the cult word is replaced by annoying beeps. 

We also take pride in ridiculing our Tamil movies or songs by claiming that they have been copied from a foreign source. The basic assumption we are making here is that we believe Hollywood movies are original. But the underlying truth is that they are far from original. Be it Nolan's Batman trilogy or Jackson's LOTR trilogy, we could say the movies were copied from an awesome comic and a splendid book respectively. But instead, we use euphemisms such as ' the comic served as an inspiration for the Nolan brothers' or 'the movie was well adapted from the novel'. If a movie has a scene similar to a scene in another movie, we label it as 'Pop-culture reference' ,or worse, we call it as a tribute to some Tom, Dick and Harry. But when it comes to Tamil Cinema, we mercilessly slaughter our own people for being a third rated thief. Music directors are at the receiving end of most of this barrage of abuse. The latest in the accusation list is Mankatha's title song, which has an uncanny resemblance to Shakthi Masala's ad jingle. It is plain ridiculous. However, we shamelessly praise Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor for their Oscar for Best Original Score even though they copied (remixed is the euphemism here) Edvard Greig's 150 year old song. Edvard Greig must be a proud man, while I am a disappointed man pitying the mentality of our folks.

Another popular topic of discussion for the nitpickers is about the exaggerated action sequences in our Tamil Movies. We are such hypocrites. We exalt Indiana Jones to epic levels but put down our own Captain by complaining that he is trash. Both perform the same gravity defying stunts and emerge unscathed despite the odds stacked against them. We watch a light-saber fight between a father and a son with so much involvement but ridicule a sword fight between our own Rajnikanth and Kamal Hassan in Allaudhinum Arpudha Vilakkum. We fall for the light-saber fight just because the swords have some fancy lights and one of the persons fighting dons a cool black costume and has a strange voice. We are major victims of such pretentious things. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is high time we appreciate the beauty of Tamil Cinema. If we can't back our own cinema, then who will? We should take inspiration from legends like Arindam Chaudhuri and promote our cinema as the best in the world. Tamil Cinema is true cinema. It caters to the needs of all people. It is made for the greater good. It is God’s own cinema. So this Madras day, wherever you are, I want you to watch a Tamil movie and then go, open your window, stick your head out and yell “"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Huh? Sounds inappropriate, right? Well, just shout something. Something appropriate. About Tamil Cinema. And do us all proud.

If you are still reading this gibberish hoping to find the answer for the question at the beginning, then here it is. Francis Day was the person who purchased Madras from a local chief called Damarla Venkatappa Nayak. You will never forget this funda right? After all, I put you through so much pain to learn this. Your inquisitiveness is appreciated.
Happy Madras Day!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I am Back!

Look who is back after a hiatus of 2 months! Yes, it is me. Barclays Premier League. I am sorry I had to take two months off. I had to give my accomplice, Mr. Transfer Market, a chance to make me more exciting. I must say he has done an excellent job by tinkering with most of the parts in my body. Oh yeah, I refer to the teams as my body parts. For example, my derriere is called Chelsea and my crotch is called Manchester City. Transfer Market has spent a lot for my crotch by giving me something called Price Aguero's piercing akin to Prince Albert's piercing. Although the prospects are exciting, I am not comfortable when people spend so much for just one part. Anyway, if you guys have any questions regarding this season or anything in general, shoot'em.

Arsenal Fan: Hi BPL. I am an Arsenal fan. What do you think about Arsenal prospects this season?
BPL: I didn't expect such a difficult question early on. To be honest, Arsenal's reign at the top of the table will end today. I must say I have been kind to you guys by arranging my teams in an alphabetical order so that you aren't disappointed even during the off season. I happened to see this extremely hilarious video that pretty much sums up my thoughts. Enjoy it. Stan vs Wenger Remix.

Media Guy: I have promised my employers that I shall bring some scintillating news to their desks. Can you give me some tips?
BPL: Ha! How smart of you! I would advise you to have a secret surveillance camera at Manchester City's dressing room. I am sure you can find out who helps Balotelli wear his underwear. Then, don't miss Neil Warnock's post match rants, especially after a poor refereeing decisions. Also make sure you are present when Drogba teaches Lukaku the secret of poor acting.

Liverpool Fan: My question is very simple. Will Liverpool win the title?
BPL: I will align with your euphoric mental state now and positively say that Liverpool will be the eternal champions. Although, I am sure you have heard about The Scouse's Boom Bust Cycle.

Everton Fan: I am disappointed with the riots, which lead to the cancellation of our match. What do you think?
BPL: If I were you, I would be really happy. Considering that you won't be at the bottom of the table after Week 1, it is a dream start for Everton.

Alex Ferguson: Will I have any special favors this season?
BPL: As always, the whistle will not be blown until your team has scored the winner. Referees will be arranged to give penalty kicks in all matches. And, you can give Howard Webb a Man Utd jersey. He said he would like No.13. As you know, I don't have the balls to disappoint you. You will enjoy this season too, Sir.

Fernando Torres: I would like the goal post to be widened by a meter on each side and also an increase in the height of the goal post will be helpful. Is that possible?
BPL: Oh yeah! I will also provide you with a magical broom and a wand to weave your magic in front of the goal.

Joey Barton: Fuck you. I hate this fucking hoopla surrounding this dumb thing. Fuck you, again.
BPL: I was about to ask the security guards to drag you out but I just realised that you were Joey Barton. You are pardoned.

Man City Fan: I was the brainchild behind the Welcome to Manchester Poster. Can you give me an idea for another poster?
BPL: I suggest you work on redecorating your club's logo. You can take inspiration from this sample logo.

That is the end of the question session. Although some of my answers were a bit provocative, I know you guys will love me despite that. You can expect another roller-coaster ride from me this season. I will never cease to excite and I shall never disappoint. Aurevoir!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...